Jeez…Parents Get Blamed for Everything
Jeez, enough already! Parents get blamed for everything. Especially mothers.
I took a sales training this week. It was only 30 minutes long. And in that short time, they bashed parents twice. Twice. They talked about how what your parents taught you about money is blocking your ability to sell. I get it. Our money beliefs were learned at home. But you know what – to keep bringing up what your Mom did or didn’t say when you were 4, doesn’t help you change.
If you are over the age of 30, you are responsible for your own life. (you’re responsible much earlier, but I’m giving you a decade to sort your childhood)
In the wise words of 2 Chainz:
And worse yet, blaming your parents is causing you to worry about screwing up your own kids.
Every time you blame your Dad for “being bad with money” you are telling yourself to be careful that you don’t screw up your own kids.
You are imagining your kids blaming you for the rest of their lives for a mistake. That’s a lot of pressure. And it’s not helping you be a better parent. It’s hurting you. So let me save you some trouble.
You are going to screw up your kids. We all make mistakes. One day they will screw up their own kids. It’s just too big job to do exactly right. There are too many variables and what was right at the time becomes wrong in retrospect.
I was born on a dairy farm (butter, cheese, cream…yum). And yet my parents were told that I needed to be fed nonfat powdered milk as a baby. To appreciate how bad that advice was you should know that I weight 5 ½ lbs at birth. That baby needed some fat. By the time my own children came along we knew that babies brains need fat to properly wire. I probably could have gone to Harvard with a little cream in my baby bottle.
Here’s what I know…if you’ve landed on my mailing list, you care about doing right by your kids.
Every day I talk to clients and never once have I gotten off the phone and thought “that parent doesn’t care enough”.
Instead I think,
- She needs support.
- He needs an unbiased perspective, someone to point what he’s too close to the situation to see. (Dads call me too.)
- She needs better boundaries.
- She needs information about how teenage brains are wired and strategies to work with that.
So get support if you want to change your life. But first, let your parents off the hook. This will help you let yourself off the hook when you make a well-meaning mistake with your kids.
You will become less easy to manipulate when your kids yell “I hate you.” or “You’re a terrible Mom” Mentally you can just smile and think…Yes, I come from a long line of “bad moms” and go back to doing your best.